a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaPJtKJrTgWVhuUJdJ2kaf_ecPAC7PwmUZGkAL2P45wNW5qhZ5P6dmVGyko7fN42QDDwCtLg3j9GjX1XbY4pfxZXg-kxgxkN_ZJoj6XtWmfoRVbFP3xtH-o1agk4axFkt9J4XgQ5pgfRo/s1600/dance.jpg" imageanchor="1" > If it were possible here are all the things I would wish for after a family death and a bunch of fun and BS in my world. 1. Brigitte, just come back. Bill just, come back. 2. Brigitte, make it all pretend and a bad nightmare. 3. Spend lots of money and have some left. 4. Be drunk and let nap time last forever. 5. Spend lots of money to find pleasure at least temporarily and be okay with this. 6 Not need to feel like should deal with MPs and such. 7. Ask myself, who am I writing this to? The biggest blog fan is dead. On a better, more rational, healthy perspective. Brigitte represented everything that a Randolph could be without the judgement. Brigitte felt to me to be that person that was present and where a Randolph could go. This seems so inconsequential and narcassistic, however, lets not call the kettle black. She was that person to me that carried no judgement and, as Denise said, made you feel in life you could do anything. Any dream was possible. Failing in dream accomplishment was also fine and just a minor set back. She was strong and this was admirable. She was strong in that she was able to overcome developmental and youthful abuses, marriage tribulations, family dysfunction, and typical life challenges and JOYS. She was cerebral, as Denise said, and continued to be interesting and inspirational. She made us all feel good, despite how maybe she felt about life. I will miss her terribly. I will miss the life force that she was to me. I am mad that she wasn't given more time of bliss. I am mad that she wasn't able to see her boys continue their lives. I am pissed that she couldn't meet Natalia and death got her. I am sad. I< wish she would just come back and start this day over. Fuck today and fuck "moving on".