Saturday, March 28, 2015

One Year

Last year at this time.. I chose time out from work. Big decision. Seemed really significant. Health wise totally the needed and right move. Now a year later I find a level of post traumatic stress about the whole issue, for lack of better phrases. All do respect, really. Just telling Noah last night, its interesting to now catch a fever or a bad back and find myself thinking I am back at square one and Fu**ed, in the hospital, super welcoming thin, and out of energy... ready to pass out in front of Kitch and Liz. I try to remember this and realize that that is not my reality now. I still assume every normal person blip (like this week's fever) does not mean I am screwed and back on prednisone. Then, I look at the evidence- high energy ( yet lack of motivation), highest weight ever (so not used to accepting this, not willing to accept this), one medication, and looking at a summertime until returning to work and I get grounded. Stopped in my tracks wondering what can I do with this leftover time. I miss my gal pals at the work and seeing them all the time. I look forward to this, in a huge way. I look forward to summertime in Colorado and the seaside. WE are finally heading back to the motherland and this excites me. So goals are being set... starts with saying yes to those things procrastinated. New bathroom, thank you DJ. New house in Seaside. Super funly expensive. Colorado return- its been 4 years and the sharing of nature in that capacity excites me tremendously. Anyhows, perhaps the vomit of this blog deserves a simple list of accomplishments written for just me and the world to view. Yes, I am that important. What have I accomplished with this time: 1. Natalia time that cannot be replaced 2. Peaceful timings 3. Health 4. Fundraising experiences 5. Volunteering and being a part of Natalia's class 6. Nancy 7. Calm 8. Distance from the frustrating 9. Low key time with Mom 10. Desire to keep on making something new of myself. This #10 is the challenge. SO now that the energy and physicality are there... where does it get to take me these final months of disability. Exciting, yes!

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