What's He Trying to Tell me?

Okay, I fake a pretty good face, at least I think.
Okay, this God guy- metaphorically speaking, really what's he trying to tell me.
That's another set of folks down for the count and Noah and I are still left hanging here.
I am putting it out there- we want a kid and its just not happening. Bullshit after bullshit, I apologize for the slander with Jesus in typing range, however, what's the message here?!
I am sad.
I am beat down.
I am getting way too personal here, but maybe if its out in the universe, I might get some good news.
And yes, its all about me right this second. Of course, I am elated, sincerely for others, but it only drives home the desire to isolate and protect myself from looking into mirrors of folks I love and care about and being reminded that I am defective and moving forward in ways I least expected- no ways.
What do you do now, another round of druggery to pay a big giant bill that simply lines the docs pockets and lines our household with more of the same empty?
Why bother, but will that decision be another CO decision where to this day the regret and irritation of an opportunity not taken remain raw?
I don't look for answers from cyberfriends, or cliches to make me feel better. I just want to lose the hope and be done with it in complete and total certainty. Like the kid yesterday said, "You are not going to be a mom and have any kids. We decided and just feel it". Thanks a lot, somebody else's kid!! Your vision seems right on the money and its crazy that an ignorant comment from a child can really pack a punch while you go over the bumps on the school bus.
So am I being told that my future is a classroom in the Park filled with other people's kids?
Am I being told that this is it, going to work and putzing around a house?
So here are the messages:
You may be a girl, but really for no reason.
You live in the Brookie the Wookie and can put in a garden. Wowee.
Get a dog. Why?
Open that sandwich shop.
Pack up one morning and move to someplace new because what else to childless people do other than travel?
Dump your friends, or let this occur naturally because you no longer can relate as their lives move in different paths? Who do you hang out with as a childless twosome- 22 year olds. Shit, half of them have kids.
It seems like the opportunity would be to live big because there are few things keeping you grounded as a mother of no one. Yet, what do I do with this- nothing. This past year, I cannot even get myself inspired and motivated to commit and complete the simple tasks of being a good, contributing, creative co-worker.
These messages are unclear and certainly seemingly imporbably, when even a biological design is faulty and ineffective.
I know the message! Write a blog. Who freakin cares! Live the dream you didn't expect to be living-bum freakin deal, if you ask me.